What 3 years of marriage has taught me

Today marks 3 years since I said “I do.”  Although it has flown by, it has been highly emotional at times with many ups and downs. Dan’s first deployment was right before our marriage began, and he will be returning home in about a month. So we have been though 2 total. This has taken many sacrifices on both of us and our families. We take a unique perspective on marriage, as about half of our relationship has been apart. We are constantly reintegrating as Dan comes home. And for me, there is always a fear that he will leave again.

I wanted to sum up several things I have learned from 3 years of marriage. This is not to say I know it all (because I don’t!), but things that I have been blessed to learn through this journey.

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Serve your spouse– Even when we are exhausted, this is still very important. The more you serve each other, the more the other wants to serve back. It is funny how this works, but I never take the stance of ‘that’s your job!’ We are a team in this marriage. Going through deployments also helps this in a weird way. I think each of us learns the other’s role while we are separated.

Encourage each other– The last thing your spouse wants from you is for you to bring them down. Our role is to lift each other up in good times and bad. There is enough negativity already in this world, they do not want to come home to it from you! I had to learn this the hard way when I didn’t realize I was bringing work home with me- well, the negativity of it! So now I try to do my best to stay positive and get back to the person I was when we first met!

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Compliment each other– I try to do this every day, whether it is by encouraging Dan to send me his workout pictures, or whether it is telling him I am proud of his accomplishments. I want him to know that he is respected, admired, and loved. I hope there will never be a doubt in his mind.

Try new things together– Whether this is riding bikes together, exploring new cities, or remodeling the house, this can be fun! Keep life exciting, because you never know when it will be coming to an end. I love trying new things with my best friend and husband.

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I am sure there are a bunch more things, but that sums up some of the most important. What things has marriage taught you? I love being married, and so happy to call Dan my husband.

Thanks for reading,

Kim

Countdown to Homecoming

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The title of this blog post makes me warm and fuzzy inside. I can’t believe we are counting down until homecoming. This year has been trying on both of us, we made many sacrifices, and have learned more about each other. For Dan’s last deployment, friends and family waited outside while veterans came in flying flags high on motorcycles, soon followed by the buses of soldiers. You could feel the tears, hear the cheers, and couldn’t wait to get your hands on your soldier. Time had frozen and you were the happiest woman on earth! Fast forward 3 years and it is happening again.

This year, I have been fortunate enough to get to know one of Dan’s fellow soldier’s wife, Burcu, and have been amazed by her strength and resiliency carrying their baby and delivering during this deployment. Little Marshall will be loved by many. I’m sure he has been a blessing to her during this time. I had to include this adorable picture of their son.

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I couldn’t imagine doing that alone. This deployment kind of put our life on hold, including building a family. Once Dan is home in November I can finally feel settled, although you always have the fear of him leaving again.

Here are a few things I learned this year during this deployment:

  1. When things go wrong in the house take care of it myself unless I have to involve Dan. Dan can’t do much from miles away and this only puts unnecessary stress on him.
  2. Reach out to friends and family. People always tell you to let them know if you need anything. I am not very good about that and assume people know I need help mowing, cleaning, etc. Sometimes I feel like superwoman and I can do it all myself.
  3. It’s okay if our house is a mess! This is a tough one for me being slightly OCD. I want nothing more than to come home to a spotless home where everything is neat and tidy. Then reality sets in!
  4. It’s also okay for me to want to be alone. No visitors, no chores, just me and a book or netflix. I struggle with feeling selfish about that, but sometimes just need alone time and I am okay with that. This is not the happiest time and it is not because I am depressed.

So needless to say, I can’t wait until homecoming. I can have my family back together again and be somewhat normal until the next call to duty happens. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything else. I would rather have my husband sometimes than not at all. I will make sure to post pictures of homecoming. Until then, I will be counting down the days!

Thanks for reading! Kim

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